it hurts more in the daytime
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
