I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
