Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
