she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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