it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have aggressive nipples.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
