She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
