Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
