I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
