is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
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