census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
