called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
