I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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