Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
