She's JV to your varsity
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
