You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
thus making me awesome and them whores
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
