By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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