Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
