just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
