I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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