thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
