the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
