i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
