i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
