Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
