I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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