thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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