She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
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