I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
