and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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