So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
