question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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