If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
sarcasm needs its own font
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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