Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
