the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We need to rekindle our bromance
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
