remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
