My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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