Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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