Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
