enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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