goodnight i made you a song goodbye
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
