I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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