so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
