Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
