So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
