i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
