i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
