I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
