i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
