he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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