I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
