i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
